Dear Children of Parents with Low Emotional Intelligence,
As I write this blog, I fight back tears for every student that hoped their parent would follow through on their promise of coming on awards day but didn’t. I fight back tears for everyone who looked in the audience during a speech not able to meet the eyes of their parents because their parents forgot. It doesn’t matter if you were saying your four line Happy Easter speech as a child or given the honors speech for your college. You desire to have support from your parents. Maybe your parents were there physically but they scrutinized your every action or somehow made the speech a ten-minute dialogue about their glorious days.
This blog is for every person who had a #JacobCopelandExperience. An experience of wishing that your parents provided emotional support but they didn’t. In order to catch you up, Jacob Copeland was recently on a live recording for choosing his college football team. There were three different colleges. However, he chose Florida while his mother and other family members had on an Alabama shirt. His mother walked away from beside him and away from the table after the choice.
It’s possible that was the best coping mechanism for the mom at that time. She could have wanted to curse but didn’t. She could have eaten Taco Bell minutes before the interview and said, ” It won’t end well if I sit here.” I know. I know. My thoughts are usually all over the place but I’m not naively positive. It’s not far-fetched to say that she was upset with his choice but let’s not light our torches until we have more information. Let’s focus on Jacob Copeland. Despite the atmosphere of cameras and the incident, he kept his composure. His ability to perform under pressure and answer questions really made me proud.
I want you to take away three things if your parents failed to provide emotional support.
1.) If you are not already surrounded by them, the right people will come along. They will rejoice with you. They will push you to greatness but never pull at your heart strings for their own sake.
2.) You have to be your own cheerleader. We often want others to be proud of us. Sometimes, we have to stop and say aloud,
“Glory to God. I’m proud of myself.”
3.) Don’t take anything personally. In the book “The Four Agreements”, the author reminds us to not take anything personally. It’s normally not about you. The other person may have self-esteem issues, need for control, or difficulty with expression.
There are some of us still caring baggage from our parent’s low emotional intelligence. Will Smith’s video summarizes best how to heal from disappointment.
Onward & Upward, Progress to Your Fullest Potential
Phyllis G. Williams