As I looked over my older bank statements, I was in disbelief. I had several charges going to my ex-boyfriend’s PayPal account that equaled $435. I contacted him for clarity simply with a picture of highlighted transaction with the text “Please explain.” He replied, “IDK” When I responded with the obvious of him stealing, he told me to “Leave him the f**k alone!”

I had never been so angry in my life. I started seeing spots, my heart pounded fiercely, and sweat formed on my face. I was enraged and although I wanted to grab my keys and go to his house. I was in shock of the thought of him stealing from me.

I broke my trance and started thinking of my next moves to make. I contacted PayPal, my bank, and consulted with a lawyer. After I got off the phone with the lawyer, I cried tears of anger and hurt. We had been through so much during the end of our relationship. I had to deal with grief, physical pain, and abandonment because he grew more distant with our loss. Now, the bitter taste of betrayal lingered in my mouth. Why did this happen? How did this happen? Then, it hit me. I settled. Ughhh! The truth can be just as bitter as betrayal. (slow swallow)

Being a solution focused person, I went back to the drawing board. What could I have done differently? I had standards but knowing and doing are two separate things. I’m not a relationship expert but I promote growth/progression. The truth is some people fold under pressure but others build from it. I recalled writing a six-word story a few months after we broke up. It read, “He moved on. I move up.”

Despite everything that happened in the last six months, I continued to hold leadership positions for a non-profit organization, attended college, worked full-time as a special education teacher, and assisted in planning for an upcoming community event in July. I often wonder how some women can be so callous. I told him everything that I had been through with people and that wasn’t enough to say maybe I should spare her heart. Bitterness from betrayal has halted the growth of many women but it doesn’t have to be you.

Here is how you progress to your fullest potential after betrayal. 1 Look Upward. Connect with God for peace and guidance. 2. Look Inward. How much of the storm did you cause? 3. Look Outward. Who can I connect with for wise counsel and healthy growth? I’ve completed Cognitive Processing Therapy for trauma. CPT is typically twelve sessions but she extended it to include grief due to my loss. Luckily, my friends are wise and supportive.  4. Look forward. Create a vision for the future and develop steps to achieve that vision. My Purposeful Dating Rubric gives me a vision and helps maintain my standards.

For the last six months, I’ve been more concerned with transformation than a relationship. When I start to lose sight, I’ll read what I’ve deemed my Purpose Partner Mantra which was a Facebook status by Ed Mabrey to realign me.

I’m still working towards my goals despite my unpleasant experiences. Do you want to know the weirdest part? I have JOY which I’ve learned is synonymous with inner peace. The hardships of life DON’T STOP because we have goals but we SHOULDN’T STOP our goals because of the hardships of life.

Onward and Upward. Progress to your Fullest Potential.

 

 

Phyllis G. Williams

Author |Speaker| Consultant

www.progresspromoter.com