Have you ever wanted to SCREAM? Have you ever been so fed up that you want to throw the closest thing near you? Have you wanted to just set someone straight because they don’t know who they messing with?
Instead, you found yourself too exacerbated to do anything. You realize that it’s a waste of energy.
I’M NOT MAD. I’M TIRED.
A few weeks ago, I wanted to respond to someone that I friended on Facebook concerning him excusing racism as it related to Charlottesville. The both sides rhetoric displayed was sickening. I quickly started typing then I thought what’s the point? I put my phone on Pandora and rested in bed. I didn’t throw my phone or put him in place by being a keyboard warrior. I simply unfriended him. It’s been many people that I considered friends or even brothers and sisters via the Marine Corps that are no longer connected to me. I was mad with the first two. It was somewhere between person 3 or five that I couldn’t summon a tantrum.
I’M NOT MAD.I’M TIRED.
I’m tired. I am TIRED of explaining injustice or a flawed system to people who are committed to ignorance. Since I’m tired, I encourage other people to do the work. If you have questions concerning racism, implicit bias, sexism, and systematic racism 1. search using a hashtag in social media or google #gaslighting #fallacies #fallacy #rapeculture #racialidentitymodel #systematicracism #schooltoprisonpipeline #maleprivilege #mansplaining #cognitivedissonance #whiteprivilege; 2. learn through a media outlet Buzzfeed, Young Turks, and etc.; 3.follow an activist Tim Wise, Jane Elliott, Jesse Williams and etc.; 4 listen to someone who has had the experiences without interrupting them or comparing it to your one time twenty years.
I’M NOT MAD. I’M TIRED.
“Those who grow tired of extending their arms eventually extend their distance.“– Phyllis G. Williams
Secondly, I’m tired of trying to build or maintain something alone. I saw a funny meme and thought that someone that I loved would find it funny also. I picked up my phone to text the person but instead of texting. I paused and scrolled up the message.
I realized they hadn’t initiated conversation with me in over six months. I deleted the entire thread. It wasn’t out of anger. There was no feeling of sadness. I realized that I’m tired of reaching out to others. The list of exhaustion doesn’t stop from repetitive explanations of why murders or sentences are unfair. I’m not just tired of reaching out to people that share my DNA or expereiences.
I’m tired of being diplomatic. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of telling someone what I need from them in a relationship (friends, family, or romantic) and there’s no change.
Don’t expect me to scream, curse, break down in tears, or act irate.
I’M NOT MAD. I’M TIRED.
I have less energy towards repetition these days. Understanding grace and mercy, I do not take a one and done approach. It usually takes a buildup of repetitive offenses or even an extreme offense for me to part ways with someone. I just don’t seem to have the energy these days and therefore must preserve it for the people worthy of it. My actions may be perceived as the angry black woman, passive aggressive, or even cowardly. (Shrug) Perception is everything but remember….
I’M NOT MAD. I’M TIRED.
It may seem that I’m ready to throw in the towel. You may start imagining my next lines would be “I’m just worried about me and mines.” This is not the case. On the contrary, being tired is not always a negative emotion. Tiredness can innovate solutions, actions, and movements. If you’re tired that’s fine, everyone deserves rest, peace, and time with the ones that they love to recharge them. When you gather your rest, you should be a force to be reckoned with.
I’m not mad. I’m tired but I’m definitely not done.
I challenge all readers to be calculated in their actions. Emotions are natural but don’t let them knock you off course or quit. Review, Reset, and then Respond so you can progress to your fullest potential!
Phyllis G. Williams
Author|Speaker|Consultant